Things that Irk Me Part Deux

Ok so you knew I'd be back to post yet again about things that annoy me. There are so many things that irk me that for me to list them would take at least a day. I think about these things all the time and I am probably going to start keeping a list in my iPhone notes (iNotes?) Anyway, enough of that. Today's post has a topic, and that topic is........... drumroll............. Muffin Tops.

When you hear the word "muffin top", your mind might go straight to that episode of Seinfeld when the bakery starts selling only the tops of the muffins and gives the bottoms to a homeless shelter, which naturally outrages the homeless people because what are they, chop liver? Are they not worthy of the full muffin? A classic episode, I assure you. If you haven't seen it you should be ashamed. But no kids. That is not the kind of muffin top that irks me. I'm talking about this kind:
There are several different options available when it comes to avoiding looking like a delicious morning baked good.

• Option 1) Cover that shit up. NOT the way the woman in the above picture did. A tight, form-fitting shirt does not hide the fact that your pants are cutting into the sides of your fat. You gotta wear a loose fitting, long shirt. And/or a sweater.
  


• Option 2) PULL UP YOUR GOD DAMN PANTS! It's not rocket science, people. It is a common fact that your waist is smaller slightly higher up. If you pull up your pants, it may not completely solve the muffin top situation, but it will sure as hell improve it. There is a woman at my office that is guilty of this. Day by day by day (by day... by day) she struts past me with the worst case of muffin top that frankly I've ever seen in my life. And she's not a fat woman. Actually.. she's one of the prettiest in the office (which doesn't say much) or she would be if she wasn't guilty of this god-awful crime. In fact, she is the source of my inspiration for todays blog. I just can't take it anymore and felt the need to vent about it to the online community.


• Option 3) Buy bigger pants. Yes.. I admit, sometimes it is depressing to accept that all those days of drinking and late night Taco C runs have finally gotten the better of you.. Do I still have my size 2s folded in the back of my closet with the faintest of hopes that I will one day be able to fit back in them? Of course. But do I wear them on the regular? Nope. mainly because they literally do not fit me but that's neither here nor there. There comes a time where you just have to suck it up and buy bigger pants. Nobody wants to see your fat rolls hanging over the sides of your jeans. It's simply not attractive.

Let's take a moment to clarify a few things here. ANYONE can get muffin top. Fat girls and skinny girls alike are both culprits of this heinous act. Hell, I have a muffin top right now because the pants I bought Junior year of college (during my thinner days) are really tight and I couldn't find my other ones as I rushed off to work this morning in a hungover stupor from last night's kickball game. But I assure you... no one can see this, as I have cleverly hidden it under my new Dolman top from Express. A loose-fitting, muffin-top hiding shirt. (clearly in today's case, I chose option 1)

So.. now I have to ask myself this question. WHY do people feel that it is socially acceptable to go in public like this? Do they think they are fooling people by squeezing themselves into pants that are clearly too small and then pairing them with an equally too-small shirt? As in, if their clothes are smaller they must be as well? What is the rationale behind this? Do they think it looks GOOD? If anyone has any insight into this situation, please let me know. Because I feel like you have to realize (at least in the extreme cases like my coworker) that this problem exists... and what better way to address a problem than to fix it. Any of the 3 ways above will do. Just for the love of God DO SOMETHING. This blog goes out to all the muffin tops in the world. Someone has got to put an end to this madness. I can't take it any more.