Dating Disasters: A true story

Dating is tricky. First dates are the worst. Typically I like to mentally prepare myself for a date with a glass of wine or 2 and listen to Taylor Swift in my bathroom while I get ready. I think this is my first mistake.

Last night I went on a blind date. With a 30 year old. It being my first "blind" date... I was even more nervous than usual. Originally the plan was for us to meet for drinks and that was it. I was ok with that plan. It was going to be short and easy. I got off work and went straight to Mockingbird station to get a new top. Well.. as i was leaving, the guy calls me and says he has tickets for the Mavs game and asked if I wanted to do that instead. I was torn: I really actually love basketball.. but I didnt know if i wanted to commit to spending and ENTIRE NIGHT with this guy who I'd never met. But I said it was fine... and then headed to the liquor store for my wine and went home to get ready.

Flash forward about 1 hour. Miley Cyrus blasting, one glass of wine down. At this point I had a decision to make.. and it was this decision that would end up being my demise. Should I eat dinner? Or should I wait and see if he wants to eat there? I mean.. TYPICALLY I always eat before. I'm weirdly uncomfortable about eating in front of new guys. I always think they'll think I'm fat or something. And in this specific example, the blind date, we'll call him Tony, actually runs a gym/boot camp that he started himself. So he's super in shape. Anyway, I opted to not eat. And here I am. Hating my life and wanting to die. Literally.

Ok so... the guy picks me up in a LIFTED truck with his boot camp logo all over. It's like a monster truck and I could barely get in. He also has a car... seems like an easy choice here, but I digress... He did open up the door for me though (+1). His hair was gelled and he was wearing a new jacket that he was very excited about. It was kind of like a military style jacket with pockets and shit all over it... I dont know. Very dallas metro. (-1). So we park the car and it starts raining and is freezing. Just great. We walk up to the American Airlines Center but we dont have the tickets, his friend Jeremy does and he was picking up his date who was running late... so we walk across the street for drinks. We each had 2 and a shot. Things begin to get blurry.

Jeremy shows up. His sexuality is still debateable in my mind. Justin says he is straight. I have my doubts. His date is nice but seems a little slutty. Whatever. I'm pretty sure this is one of those pot/kettle situations so I'll say no more about her. We go into the game and get more drinks. Then we go watch the game for like... maybe 30 mins. We were winning I believe. We both talk about how hungry we are.. but do not get food. So I opt for another drink instead. Then we find someone's blackberry and I naturally pick it up and call the last number. This whole time I'm texting my roommate being like... oh dear God this guy is kind of a tool... I want to leave. After the game we go back to my house because I wanted to go HOME but I think there was some confusion and I ended up just changing and we both went back out to the restaurant. We arranged with Blackberry guy to meet there and return his phone.

The rest of the night is a big black blur. I remember eating pizza. With ranch. It was so good and soooo probably not on boot camp diet but what can you really do? I woke up next to him this morning at 6am when his alarm went off. He turned it off, blew off his morning boot camp and went back to bed. Then we woke up later and just laid there for an uncomfortably long time just talking and rehashing the night... I asked about 10 questions to which he was like, seriously? You don't remember. We talked about this last night... you didn't seem that drunk.

How can this guy not call me?? He's actually probably in love, let's be honest. I'm sooooooooo getting married next. There are so many life lessons to take from this dating disaster I don't know where to begin. But I will include bullet points.

1) Always skip dinner and drink A LOT
2) Always make your date take you HOME mid-date and then change clothes, only to go back out again
3) Always kiss on a first date
4) More importantly, always shack on a first date.

I RULE AT LIFE.